Small Steps

October has always been my favorite time of year. It was my daddy’s favorite as well. We lost him three years ago and to be honest I’ve dreaded autumn every since. Too much pain to enjoy the beauty when he wasn’t here to see it.

Yesterday I took a story I was working on out to the deck, more to find silence than to enjoy the day. The weather was nice and I ended up watching a hawk perched on the fence for several minutes. Then I noticed the beautiful yellow, orange and burgundy color of the trees. The slight breeze had the leaves falling like a rain shower to the ground, creating a carpet of color. It was breathtaking, and I thought how daddy would have loved it. But this time thinking of him didn’t bring tears, but a smile instead. I ended up enjoying the day but got little editing done. It was worth it.

It wasn’t until this morning, on my way to work, that I realized what had happened. I had passed a milestone. I guess time really does dull the sharp edge of pain. I know there are a lot of painful times ahead, they can’t be helped when you lose someone so important in your life. But for now I’m content to enjoy what I’ve been given. I’m tired of the tears when I think about him. I want to smile, to celebrate his life. To have his memory bring happiness, not pain. I think it’ll happen. Eventually.

So Happy Halloween everyone, get out and enjoy this time of year. Take time to watch the leaves put on a show of color, carve a pumpkin, or just sit outside and enjoy the cool weather. We move through life fast, and sometimes we forget to stop and enjoy it. Here’s a reminder.